A man calls 911:
Man: "Help! My wife's gone into labor!"
911 Operator: "Is this her firstborn?"
Man: "No, you idiot, this is her husband."
A guy inherits a farm from his uncle. It's a beautiful place - lots of acreage, a pond ... and a big barn. He goes to look at the barn and inside he sees a bunch of penguins waddling around. He figures the place is worth a ton of money, but he has to get rid of the penguins, so he waves down a hippie driving by in his VW microbus and asks him to take the penguins to the zoo. With the penguins gone, he calls a realtor and sells the place that afternoon for a million dollars. Then he gets a call from the hippie: "I took the penguins to the zoo, and then we took in a movie ... what time do you want them back home?"
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