I was laid off 40 days ago and now, I'm simply trying to not think about tomorrow. You see, I had a second interview for a Senior Technical Writer position on Tuesday, February 23rd. Cautiously, I think I did awesome. I have been trying to not believe my own hype and not get myself worked up and play mind games about what could happen. Tomorrow, I could possibly know if I will be joining that company.
To understand the gravity of what I may know tomorrow, understand what happened to me 40 days ago. While I've purposely not put a lot of the day-to-day struggles of my life since being laid off on this blog, I realize if there was ever a time for transparency, it is now. If you are reading this, I really REALLY need your prayers. I really REALLY need you to tell God that you are praying that this prhmusic dude
- who was recently laid off
- who writes a blog
- who plays drums
- who collects his thoughts and posts them here to be read by the Internet . . .
On that Tuesday morning (January 26th) morning, I had received an email invitation to a "Performance Review" meeting at 10 AM. Prior to the meeting, I had learned that two other co-workers had received the same invitation. I was sitting in the room with them when another manager walked in and said that he had some bad news. He asked us to come with him down to HR. When I was laid off, my world was crumbled. I felt compelled to stand up from the chair that I had been sitting in. I turned and faced a wall because I didn't want my co-workers to see me cry. Facing the wall didn't prevent tears of disappointment and failure as my 6' 4" body shrunk to microscopic levels, taking along my self-esteem and my self-confidence on the journey.
And, as I pat myself on the back for not being 100%, I'm somewhat happy (in a weird and odd way) that upon hearing this terrible news, I immediately realized it wasn't only my career path going off the tracks. As my brain processed the words from his mouth, I thought about my family.
- How would I pay the next mortgage payment for the house Karen and I live in?
- Would I have a job in time to be able to pay Megan's UNI fall tuition?
- What about the funds we had planned to send with Alex when he goes to Europe this summer?
It's now 40 days later - I don't have any concrete answers for those questions. C'mon tomorrow! Prhmusic needs a new job!
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