Here's an atypical night. It's before 8 PM and I'm sitting @ the PC.
Karen is watching "The Bachelor."
Megan doesn't (apparently) have any more homework so she took our bedroom and is watching Disney Channel.
Alex missed 13 words (out of 25) on his spelling list tonight so I cut him a break and have him writing each word 5 times, instead of 10.
Me? I'm sitting @ MP3 Kingdom, charging each kids' MP3 player and passing time until "24" begins @ 8.
Work was okay. I did a lot of user interface design today. I am starting to get more comfortable with designing the UI and making the Windows interface for our software. The underlying green screen keeps getting fuller and fuller so it becomes a regular challenge to design the panel to where the new field makes sense.
On my commute up I-380 today, I heard a song by a band called Five Finger Death Punch. The song is called "Never Enough." As I listened to it, and reflected on the lyrics, I tried to pick out a person or group of persons that I could take these words as a rally cry of sorts, like I did with the Staind song "For You" and the Linkin Park song "Numb." Both of those songs were motivational, to me, as I struggled to navigate through relationships that I can honestly say have repaired themselves. So, for once, I do not feel angry with anyone. It's kind of an odd feeling. Things are okay. Really. My wife, kids, and I are doing fine & the majority of my other relationships have not hit any recent snags. In fact, those that used to cause me to internalize their words and find fault in them... I don't feel that way anymore. I am in a better place than I was even a year ago. There's more calm, even considering the 90+ list of projects to do @ work, than in previous years.
Now, I have to say, this band's bass player is one scary guy. He's the one with the long beard and the mohawk.
I'm so fed up with everyone around me
(No one seems to care)
I'm just so far gone and nothing's gonna change
(I'll never be the same)
It's always do this, do that,
Everything they want to
I don't want to live that way
Every chance they get their always
Pushin me away
[Chorus:]
It's never enough
No it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough
No it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be
It's all so messed up and no one ever listens
(Everyone's deranged)
I'm just so f up and I'm never gonna change
(Wanna lay it all to waste)
Their always say this, say that,
Nothing that you want to
I don't want to live that way
Every chance they get their always
Shovin me aside
[Chorus]
I'm Done
[Bridge:]
In the end we're all just chalk lines on the concrete
Drawn only to be washed away
For the time that I've been given
I am what I am
I'd rather hate you
For everything you are
Than ever love you
For something you are not
I'd rather you hate me
For everything I am
Than have you love me
For something that I aint
It's never enough
It's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough
No it's never enough
No matter who I try to be
It's never enough
No it's never enough
No matter how I try to taste
It's never enough
Never never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be.
This band has played in Iowa recently and now that I associate a killer song like this one with them, I regret not seeing them in concert.
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