Starting the 200 Days Countdown today

I am going to present a brief overview of my 200 Days project.

On Monday, January 18, 1993, I started to write in a black 200 page college ruled notebook to count down to our wedding day. I was living in the house I grew up in and I was so anxious to marry Karen. I decided to write that volume because I knew my life was in a phase that would never be repeated in my future and I wanted to capture what I was feeling. I decided that I wasn't going to expect any words to be added to my 200 Days notebook on our actual wedding day so I decided that I would use August 6, 1993, as the final day on which I would write, a decision I have carried forward with each 200 Days volume. I also decided that I would create a list of 200 topics and assign a topic to each page. I would write a single front of a page about the topic. Many of the pages in the first volume have a couple of sentences to indicate that the topic was irrelevant or that the topic didn't merit writing any words. I wrote about Karen (of course), my friends, my family, my job, and relevant news of the day.

It so happened that the first night I began writing about the countdown to beginning a new chapter in my life was also the day that Chris Street, a basketball player at the U of Iowa, was killed in a car crash. It was also in January 1993 when Metallica came to Carver-Hawkeye Arena and played a concert, which I attended. 

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On Tuesday, January 18, 1994, I started to write in a red 200 page college ruled notebook to count down to our first wedding anniversary. I was living in the apartment in Coralville that Karen had been living in prior to marrying me and I wanted to capture the magic of writing the first 200 Days volume again.

On Wednesday, January 18, 1995, I started to write in a blue 200 page college ruled notebook to count down to our second wedding anniversary. A lot of changes were happening in life, such as we had purchased a house in North Liberty and no longer were living in the apartment in Coralville. Once again, I wanted to capture the magic of the previous two volumes. However, I realized during the writing of that volume, I was not actually recapturing anything from the previous two volumes. It was a burden to maintain a schedule that allowed me to write a 200 Days volume, a personal journal, and what would turn out to be my final spiral notebook of lyrics and poems. 

Which is why it wasn't until Friday, January 18, 2013, before I attempted to write a 200 Days volume to document the countdown to our 20th wedding anniversary. So many changes in my life had happened in the 6375 days (17 years, 5 months, 1 week, 5 days) since I finished the third volume on Sunday, August 6, 1995, that I felt like the time was right to attempt another 200 Days volume. 

When Thursday, January 18, 2018, arrived, I felt like writing another 200 Days volume to document the countdown to our 25th wedding anniversary made sense. Once again, there had been so many changes during the 1626 days (4 years, 5 months, 1 week, 5 days) between Tuesday, August 6, 2013 and Thursday, January 18, 2018.  

All of that leads me to Wednesday, January 18, 2023, and the first day of yet another 200 Days volume. In a short 200 days (6 months, 2 weeks, 5 days), it will be Sunday, August 6, 2023, which is the night before being married to Karen for 30 years. I am going to temporarily not follow the guidelines of my 10 Year Project, which is how I have been writing my journals since January 1, 2012. I assign a month and year to each of the 5 sections in a 200 page  notebook. For example, I could have a month of writing from 5 different years in the same 200 page notebook, meaning my journal writing is not done sequentially, which is what I did from May 1989 through December 31, 2011. My intention is to write this 200 Days volume as a part of the 10 Year Project, except I started a 200 page notebook today and I am going to write sequentially in as many 200 page notebooks as I need until August 6, 2023.

I am uncertain how often I will mention this 200 Days volume on this blog. However, since it is the first day of this volume, I felt it was relevant to write about what is happening outside of writing this blog.

The Case Against a Digital Journal

I have mentioned I have been keeping a journal since May 1989. I use my journal to record my thoughts and ideas and I use spiral notebooks to do this. I do not keep a digital journal - unless you count this blog - and, to be perfectly honest, I don't consider this blog to be my journal. I write about topics that are important to me but I definitely save my personal thoughts and ideas for a spiral notebook. I have flirted with making this blog more personal, but ultimately, no, that's not the purpose of this blog. I plan to keep a spiral notebook as my journal indefinitely. This article - Why writing by hand is still the best way to retain information - Typing might be faster, but longhand stays with you better. - makes the point that writing with a pen or pencil means retention is more likely. I agree with that.

23100 pages about ME by ME - Evidence I am a Selfish Man

I know that I am a selfish person. I know that about my personality. I know that I think about me a lot because I have 23100 pages across 103 physical notebooks.

Finally! A Title For My 10 Year Journal Project!

About Being Unforgiven and an Update about my Journalitis

no No NO - I have never cheated on my wife and no No NO - I never will!

But I know husbands who have cheated on their wives and I know wives that have cheated on their husbands. All of that to say, damn! I can't imagine the pain of what this guy on Quora has been going through since his wife passed away!

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One other comment about this subject. I attended a Bible study a couple of years ago about the Book of James. One of the most powerful things I heard during these weekly sessions is when the father-in-law of one of my friends talked about cheating on a spouse. He said, paraphrased, that he couldn't imagine what the conversation with God would be like - to have to tell God in your prayers what the cheating spouse had done and to ask for forgiveness from God for that sin. In the years since I heard him say that, I've often pondered if the men and women - my friends - woke up on the morning they cheated on their spouse and knew they were going to cheat or if it was a spur of the moment / heat of the passion decision. I have never asked them and I can't say I would ever bring it up in conversation with them.

It is something I sometimes write about in my private journal, though, which you will never read. I am currently writing in Volume 19, section IV, which was originally scheduled for 10/2018. Through excessive writing, I'm over a year ahead of my pre-planned schedule. The other month / years in this volume are as follows:

1. Section I: 06/2020
2. Section II: 10/2019
3. Section III: 02/2021
4. Section IV: 08/2017 ---------- I just mentioned this above
5. Section V: 11/2012 ---------- only previously used volume in this notebook

I haven't mentioned my journalitis, but it rages on within the 10 Year Journal Project!

Editor's Note: This is the link to the Quora article: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-revenge-against-a-cheating-husband-and-his-mistress

The Cost Of Privately Accumulating My Thoughts

I have mentioned in addition to this blog, I am writing in a journal called the Ten Year Project. I have 24 x 5 subject notebooks, 200 pages each, college ruled. I began on 1/1/2012 and will finish on 12/31/2021, but I have to say I finish on 1/1/2022 because technically it would be 9 years, 11 months, 4 weeks, 2 days instead of 10 years.

I never tracked the sum of purchasing 24 x 5 subject notebooks, 200 pages each, college ruled. I plan to have a "To-Be-Titled-Later" phase II that will begin on 1/1/2022 and include up to 12/31/2031 (or technically, 1/1/2032). How much am I investing in this project? Using the picture below

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- and minus sales tax & shipping, these are my options:

• My bill is $263.76 if I purchase 24 of the notebooks that are priced at $10.99 each.
• My bill is $330.96 if I purchase 24 of the notebooks that are priced at $13.79 each.
• My bill is $345.36 if I purchase 24 of the notebooks that are priced at $14.39 each.

There is $81.60 between going the $10.99 route and the $14.39 route. Currently, I do not plan to order 24 x 5 subject notebooks, 200 pages each, college ruled, in one purchase order... but if I did, would I get a discount?

Get Past Your Past

I get a daily email with a "thought for today" and today's - https://www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk/get-past-your-past/ - is especially relevant to me. It's really ironic, in fact, that I received this specific email today.

Last night, I was rereading my journal from April 2011 through May 2011. April 2011 was a very dark time in my life - I don't like talking about it. I was in a very bad situation in my career and rereading my words from that time in my life, I was reminded of just how that dark time in my life has impacted me in very positive ways. I firmly believe every thing that happens in life happens for a reason. I know, now, that if I had never gone through that dark time, I wouldn't have landed at Pearson and if I wouldn't have landed at Pearson, I wouldn't have landed at my current job. It is hard for me to let go of the past and not doing so has damaged relationships in my life, probably beyond repair. For that aspect of the past, I am so regretful that things went as they did. But as the quote for today points out, I can't change the past so I should not waste the energy trying to do so.

Best

I had a plan. I was going to get up at 7 AM and write 19 pages in my journal. I have been writing a lot.

However, there are storms heading to Elkader. Karen and I and Megan have dumped the fluids (black and gray) and are ready to go home.

Sigh.

So much for that plan.

Write It In PEN

Three Ways That Handwriting With A Pen Positively Affects Your Brain

Apology Accepted

Gene Simmons talks.

And talks.

AND TALKS MORE.

Controversy usually flares up when he talks, whether it was about rap music or Prince's death. Regarding his comments about Prince's recent death, he has offered an apology. I read it. His words relate to my life, specifically:

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In my experience [drug users have] made my life, and the lives of their loved ones, difficult. I was raised in a culture/crowd where drug addicts were written off as losers, and since that's the narrative I grew up with, it's been hard to change with the times.

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I was brought up that way as well. I drank booze for a number of years (see below) and since I stopped on 12/31/2010, I've often pondered the idea that by now choosing to not drink booze, I am returning to the way I was brought up. A return to my roots, if you will. You see, when I was young, Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign was popular and catchy. In numerous ways, I firmly believe it instilled the predisposition I have to disliking drugs. I calculated that I probably had my first drink of booze on Thursday, November 10, 1988.

That's when I was a freshman at Mount Mercy College. I wish I could have sent "Future Paul" to that version of my self on my very first day of college with a simple message: begin keeping a journal. I regret I didn't. Instead of a consolidated journal in a single notebook, I wrote about what was happening in my life in a variety of notebooks and random pieces of paper until May 1989. Because I didn't think it was (apparently) a big deal, I don't think I've ever seen where I recorded the date of my first drink of booze. Thus, 11/10/1988 is a guess. This means I drank booze for 22 years, 1 month and 3 weeks of my life. Some of the awful decisions I made after May 1989 are documented in my journals.

Here's another tangent. The effects of drugs on the user as well as the user's family is a recurring sub-plot in "Fear the Walking Dead" series I watch on AMC. One of the main characters is a heroin addict (though in the current second season, he has not done heroin). Because of his past, the way in which other characters interact with him is interesting. This character was a different person when he used frequently. Now that he hasn't used heroin for a bit, his sister and mother still distrust him. They both recall vivid incidents of what it was like when he was in the depths of his drug abuse. I see it in his mother's eyes when she talks to him. She longed for him to not choose heroin and then was repeatedly crushed when he did. It's as if she hears what he tells her but she won't allow herself to believe him because of his past.

What an interesting thought. I will ponder it further in my private journal in light of recent events in my life.

And to bring this post back to the original intent of writing it, Gene Simmons' apology is available in this article.

Software Patch and My Sickness Diagnosis

I think about Mom and my future when I read articles about memory retention like this one: http://time.com/4304589/memory-picture-draw/ because I've realized that I retain memories because of my sickness. My self-diagnosis is that I have Journalitis (tm). is the compelling fear of not writing about life in a journal. A journal can be a blog, a fancy journal I see at Target - they don't have enough pages for me - or a 200 page college-ruled spiral notebook (my preference). The end result is simply a collection of memories.

On this blog, I have composed details about my 10 year, 24 x 200 page notebook project. As a brief refresher, I began this project on 1/1/2012 and will finish this project on 12/31/2021. Though I have not begun planning (or purchasing notebooks for it), it has crossed my mind to undertake a second 10 year project, which would begin on 1/1/2021 and finish on 12/31/2030 and then a third project to begin on 1/1/2031 and finish on 12/31/2040. I would be 71 years, 3 weeks, 6 days when that third project ended. On top of that, I would have 72 200 page college-ruled notebooks and at least 14400 pages if I only count the front of the page. If I count the back as well, it becomes 28,800 pages. The cure for Journalitis is purchased with death.

Until my death, I must write.

Until my death, I cannot NOT write.

Until my death, I must fill notebooks upon notebooks with my words.

If I don't, I am discombobulated and distressed.

I rely on the ability to write, the assembling and mechanic action of seeing the image in my head on paper or on a screen. Perhaps I have replaced booze with writing as a coping mechanism for the trials of life.

All of this is being dredged up because I have zero doubt I am very much like Mom. She was a writer. I sometimes have wondered if she kept a journal. If so, I haven't found it. It would not surprise me to find her journal, tucked away in the house I grew up in and that Dad still lives in. Many of the words I wrote in high school papers that earned a good grade can be attributed to her editing. She helped me with so many assignments, crossing out words, rephrasing sentences, and adding new thoughts for me to flesh out my thesis. Later in life, Mom's dementia was difficult for me to watch. As I have mentioned, Mom spent 40 years in the Cedar Rapids education system, teaching kids to communicate and in her final years, she couldn't. I openly admit that it is my fear of forgetting that motivates me to feed my Journalitis with continuous writing. I fear forgetting the memories I write about before I die.

In fact, if pressed, it's my worst fear. It's a fear greater than spending the last years of my life without Karen. It's a fear best described as that I will spend my final years in a locked dementia unit. Being a lot like Mom scares me. She had to be in one because she walked out of the first facility she was in and was unable to return. The second and third facilities required entering a code to enter the part of the building where she had her bed and dresser. Many pages in my journal are rich with descriptive essays about the parallels between where she lived and a prison.

As far as whether or not she has a journal tucked away, it would be very interesting to me to understand her motivation for doing and saying what she did when she was alive. I suppose the motivation for doing and saying what I say could be tied to the journals I keep. Now that I wrote that sentence, I'm thinking about its validity. After I'm dead, maybe my kids will read what I wrote and realize that the sum of my actions and words in my journals is far greater than the sum of what I did and said. The lesson I hope to teach is that some ideas are best left on a college-ruled piece of notebook paper in a bookshelf in a den with 23 other notebooks surrounding it.

When Silence is Better

What the following illustrates is how structured my private writing has become as a result of being a technical writer for 20+ years. I have 4 notebooks that I am writing in for my private writing and, as of 1:00 PM, I'm unable to write in any of them. Here's why:

1. In my private journal - part of the 10 year journal project series - for the month of March, I'm on page 72 of 78. I've scheduled myself to write
1. 72, 73, & 74 tomorrow
2. 75, 76, & 77 Friday
3. 78 Friday (this will be the single page Epilogue that ends each section)
2. In my laid off journal - a separate 150 page spiral notebook that I began on the day after I was laid off and in which I only write on the front of the sheet of paper, not the back - I've scheduled myself to write
1. 118 tomorrow
2. 119 Friday
3. 119.5 (this will be the only time I write on the back of a page in this notebook so that I have a single page Epilogue)
4. 120 - 126 Monday - First day of new job
5. 127 - 131 Tuesday
6. 132 - 137 Wednesday
7. 138 - 143 Thursday
8. 144 - 150 Friday - 5th day of new job
3. In my summary volume - a separate notebook I use to summarize the previous 8 days on a 1/2 sheet of paper  - the next time I will write in it is Friday, 3/25. 
• This volume has a very specific role in the 10 year project. When it is complete, I will have 
• a single volume that I can look at and read summaries dated from January 2, 2012 - December ??, 2021. 
• a multi-page summary after each year on pages I have blocked off so I can write more extensively about the year that just finished.
• a page:year ratio yearly summary in the final 10 pages of the notebook so I can read single page year summaries from 2012 - 2021
4. In my private journal - part of the 10 year series - for the month of April, I had previously asked "Future Me" some questions pertaining to work and other subjects to be answered by "Current Me" in April 2016. I have answered those questions and will wait until Friday, April 1, 2016, before continuing that volume. The laid off journal is meant to be a bridge between the March 2016 section and the April 2016 section in the 10 year series as a way to interweave that separate notebook into the mix of the 10 year project.

I wanted to lay all of that out because rather than post my situation on this blog or on my Facebook page - as the author of this article did - when I was laid off on 1/26/2016, I intensified my private writing. Sure, I messaged some friends through messenger and networked that way and then, once Lent started, I decided to not be on Facebook until after Easter, though I admit I bent that "guideline" a bit for various reasons / situations that came up (like to see if a friend had routed any job leads to me).

Briefing

Yesterday AM, I was up early writing in my 10 year project. The journal project is where I have assigned a month/year combination to a section in one of 24 200 page spiral notebooks. Currently, I'm writing in Volume X, section 03. I began writing on page 55 of 82 @ 6:15 AM and wrote 7 pages. When we got back from the wedding in Marion (details below), I wrote another 3 pages. While I typically begin a section on the first of the month and finish it on the last day of the month, I wrote some long essays in the June section to the extent that I began this current section on 6/23/15. As we are on vacation the last week in July and spending it in Elkader, I had already decided I wanted to finish the July section by Thursday, July 23, so that when we leave home, I can bring the August volume with me. I'm now revising that idea. Because I'm on page 66, with 16 pages remaining in this section, the new plan is to be able to begin the August 2015 section on Friday, July 17, which is the first day of a three day weekend in Elkader.

Also, yesterday, I've seen deer before at the campground in Elkader. As I was writing in the aforementioned journal, I looked out the window and saw this guy.

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Then, I opened a second blind that was covering the other window. I think the deer was looking into my soul.

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Then a second one appeared and went into the woods.

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Then, I showered and got dressed. Karen and I went to the wedding of BSS and LeAnn at Squaw Creek in Marion. This is the only picture I took.

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We sat with my former co-workers at Quintrex - Deb (former manager), Phil and his wife Liz. When Liz worked at QDS in Customer Support years ago, I used to pepper our internal documentation with the word "automagically" and while we were eating, she said that she had seen that word somewhere and began to chuckle about it. I admit I had kind of forgot about how I used to use that word. It was my sarcastic dig at the adjective "automatically" being used to describe the functionality in the systems I documented. There is nothing "automatic" about software, in my mind, because a developer wrote the code to do whatever the software does. It may automate manual tasks, such as when you enter a zip code and the city & state are completed, sure. My point, though, is that's performing a task that you would have to do manually. Maybe it's splitting hairs.

Anyways, it was a good conversation. I heard a little about the current scuttle at QDS. As I listened, I couldn't help but think about how the situations I heard being described sounded vaguely familiar. I'm not going to go into detail here because it doesn't really matter what I heard about in that conversation. My point is that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

So, now with the recap of yesterday complete, right now, at this moment, it's 7:35 AM on Sunday, July 12, 2015. I'm sitting in Lou & Jean's sunroom in Balltown. We came from Elkader yesterday in order to see the Balltown fireworks. Among many highlights, I finally got to climb up the TV antenna onto Lou & Jean's roof. Alex had been launching bottle rockets and one of them was carried by the wind onto the roof. Attempts to spray water onto the roof in order to get it to roll down were unsuccessful so up I went. Alex had tried to climb up but got to the roof level and doubted his ability to complete the task.

I took some video of last night:

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Last year, I took a lot more videos and a lot more pictures, but I don't think I've watched that video or looked at those pictures. Ever. Thus, I decided I wasn't going to take as much video or take as many pictures.

Sweetness to the Ears

There's something about watching your son play drums that simply cannot be explained. The U of I drumline camp ended last night with a final concert. I recorded audio of it, with my phone, and Karen recorded some video. Alex played really well and I was happy to hear his instructors tell me he was a good kid. I think he's a good kid so it's sweetness to the ears when someone that has only known him for less than 7 days tells you that you have a good kid.

Another thing that is going on is that I have made considerable progress with the CD reconversion. On the Elkader PC, I've ripped 227 MP3s.
On the Toshiba laptop, I've ripped 173 MP3s.
On the work laptop, I've ripped 205 MP3s.

Doing the math, that's 605 MP3 files that have been added to the CD reconversion project. I'm working on Spindle #30 and "only" have Spindle #31 remaining of my spindles. Then I move on to the 200 CDs from Indy and the 990 CDs in the racks. I started ripping the CDs on the rack because the majority of those CDs are not CD-Rs so I don't have to do any manual work, like looking up artist and album information online because Windows Media Player is looking that up automatically and using the online database to fill in that information for me. I have 34 CDs remaining on Spindle #30 and three being ripped concurrently on the aforementioned devices.

I'm being summoned for breakfast.

Every 8 Days

I keep a hard copy journal. It is a 10 year project that began on 1/1/2012 and ends on 12/31/2021. Its duration is 120 months. I divided up the 120 months into 24 5 subject 200 page spiral notebooks. Each section of each notebook is assigned a month/year combination. For example, I am currently writing in volume 21, section 4. This volume has the following month/year combinations:

1. Section 1: 9/13
2. Section 2: 9/20
3. Section 3: 8/20
4. Section 4: 6/14
5. Section 5: 7/18

The reason I am writing about this project on this blog is that yesterday, I was talking to a co-worker, Jay. He and I were looking at examples of technical documentation and we happened to come to a math website where you could enter equations and have the website give you the answer. I said, "I wonder if it could figure out every 8 days from a starting date to an end date." Jay looked at me with a puzzled look and said, "Every 8 days?"

That led into a description of the second element of this 10 year project. I have a separate spiral notebook that has a page for each month of each year in the project. At the end of the 12 pages for a year, there are empty pages for me to write a summary of that year. I wanted to have a set schedule for when I would write in this volume so I came up with the idea of every 8 days. In this way, I am not writing in it the same day of every week. I started with Monday, January 2, 2012, and most recently wrote in this volume on Sunday, June 8. The next scheduled entries are

• Monday, June 16
• Tuesday, June 24

Then, in July, the scheduled entries are:

• Wednesday, July 2
• Thursday, July 10
• Friday, July 18
• Saturday, July 26

Then, I skip a week and write on Sunday, August 3. So, when I said I wanted to figure out "every 8 days", I wanted to do that so I could put the dates in this volume on each month's page. I write on the front and back of the page and I write roughly a 1/2 page for each day. There are never more than 5 entries per month so it works out well. For some months, like this month, there are 3 entries and then I write a full back of a page for that last entry.

All of this windy prose is leading to a point. Jay mentioned Google Calendar and wondered if setting up a recurring event that is scheduled for every 8 days would get what I wanted. I opened it, created a new event, scheduled it for every 8 days and set an end date of 12/31/2021. I now have what I want and can enter each month's dates in my summary volume.

When I write about having a lot of projects going on in my busy life, this journal project is one of them. It doesn't mean I am not stopping / continuing with my other projects. For example, I just finished another spindle of CDs. One of them, from the death metal band Hypnos, has a track called "I am the Wind" buried as track 8 of 9. I have always loved this song. It has such an awesome tempo and structure. The drumming is interesting, especially at the 3:57 mark when the growly vocals kick in, followed by the guitar solo that isn't trying to cram a bunch of notes down the ear - it's quite melodic.

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As for a count of how many music files I now have as a result of the conversion, I don't have that number. I have been dismayed by the number of duplicate files that exist from the effort to consolidate my files from multiple directories into a single directory. In some directories, like for Metallica's Black album, there are 72 files when there should be 12. I know that the number of these files is artificially inflating the count of files in my music directory. Additionally, I have also noticed that I have a lot of files with @(random numbers) appended to the end of the file. Those files are a result of copying from the other directories into the main music directory. I also want to eliminate those files as well to avoid inflating my progress.
I wrote some DOS commands to locate these files similar to these next lines.

Dir *(2)*.mp3 /s >2s.txt
Dir *(3)*.mp3 /s >3s.txt
Dir *(4)*.mp3 /s >4s.txt
Dir *(5)*.mp3 /s >5s.txt
Dir *(6)*.mp3 /s >6s.txt
Dir *@*.mp3 /s >at_files.txt

After I review the list from these commands, I will use more DOS commands to delete them. I don't want to blindly do that now because I don't really know whether I will be deleting files that legitimately have those characters in the file name. I suspect most of them are legitimately duplicate files, but I don't know that for sure.

There is a lot going on in my life that I hope to address in future posts. None of the things I want to write about are awful / bad news. Life is pretty damn good, especially after a conversation last night about a former employer with a parent of one of Alex's teammates. The parent I spoke with still works there and the more we talked, the more I felt that God truly does make things work out for me.