Distancing from the Next Layer

When I drank booze, I never learned how to drink socially. I remember numerous occasions when I would start the evening (or day) with the thought, "If I drink today, I will not have more than a couple of beers." Most of the time, that thought would be followed with the thought behind the previous thought. Sometimes it was because I had a specific task to accomplish; other times it was because I didn't feel good from drinking booze the night before. It rarely failed, though, to have those two thoughts and then to not act like I had those two thoughts. It was easy for me to dismiss the specific task to accomplish. If I didn't feel good from the night before when I woke up in the morning, eventually I would feel better and forget that I did not feel good when I woke up.
I say all of that to distance myself from Lala Kent, a celebrity I had never heard of until I read about how Lala Kent was drunk at Disney for ‘four days straight’ with stepkids. In the article, Kent is quoted as follows:

---

“I went with my family and Rand’s family to Disney World and I was drunk four days straight from morning until night,” Kent, 29, told Cohen. “I get on the plane. I’m face-chugging out of a bottle, and the next morning I woke up and said, ‘I will never live this way again,’ and I reached out and got help.”

---

Later in the article, it states that

---

In March, Kent revealed that she had problems with substance abuse, and said she enrolled in Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-step program.

---

My point to all of this is that I never got "as bad" as Lala Kent did. I have never attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in my life. I have no experience with the group or anything other than what I've seen on TV or in the movies. Am I in denial about what power booze had over me for all those years?

I don't think I can truly say, from a clinical perspective. From a "trying to be the best version of me every day" perspective, I can say I am trying. I fall and I struggle and I say the wrong words or do the wrong actions, but I know I have a purpose in life. I heard this purpose at a retreat a few years ago and it has stuck in my head. My purpose in life is to help my wife get to heaven. It is also my purpose in life to help my kids get to heaven. Whether I acknowledge it or not, prior to every word and every action in my life, my goal is to base my choices in life - every choice in life - upon the answer to the following simple question: will my words or actions help Karen, Megan, and Alex get to heaven? If I answer yes, then I say or act; if I answer no, then I cannot allow myself to say or act. As I just said, I fail sometimes - I say words or act without pausing long enough to ask myself that question. I also know that the best of intentions is meaningless without action to back it up and that's my daily challenge!