Top 10 Jobs I'd like to Have

I have come up with a list of jobs I'd like to have.

1. Writing/editing the dialogue of rated R movies that are going to be shown on network TV. Who got to take the following clip and take out the f-bombs and create the replacement dialogue? Movies like "Die Hard" and "Lethal Weapon" come to mind. Good action flicks, but I wouldn't want to tackle crappy horror movies. Analyzing what is "acceptable" on network TV and what is not. "Monkey fighting" is an example in this clip:
   
2. Writing/editing/designing the pages of musical instrument catalogs. Taking the pictures of the instruments, writing the brief descriptions of the features of a given instrument, and assembling the layout of the pages. I think that would be fun. This job would possibly not be a long-term career choice because I think, at some point in the next decade, I do not believe there will be hard-copy catalogs sent through the mail. I think every thing will go to online and that will be increasingly evident as the older generations pass and are replaced with technology people that make apps easier and simpler to use.
3. Designing and creating movie trailers. It would involve the decisions that are made regarding what scenes to include as well as the entire marketing plan for a film. How to generate interest in a film months or even years in advance of it being released. The trailer for "Tron:Legacy" looks amazing. The trailer for "Surrogates" made it look like a tremendously awesome movie. The trailer for "Toy Story 3" captures the fun of the original 2, complete with the bantering between Tom Hanks and Tim Allen. Coming up with the ideas behind those 'first looks' at the movie and laying out when scenes and plot details will be linked to the Internet. Also, the trailer for TV shows like "24" and "Lost" and "Breaking Bad" are captivating so I wouldn't *have* to work in film. TV teasers would be good as well.
4. Working at http://www.livemetallica.com/ and being able to upload the MP3s, the interesting facts about how often specific songs are played, when the last time Metallica played in a specific city, and the other cool facts. You would have to listen to each MP3 before uploading, I think.
5. Writing the end-user documentation for a product that scans the UPC code on a CD jewel case and pulls in all the information about it into a database. Of course, I would use my personal collection as the "test database" that would be sent out with the final product. Some of the features of this vaporware include:
• Ability to search for releases that include songs with the word "famous" in them
• Automatically link to a band's website
• Create a direct link between the database and the MP3s that are available on the band's Myspace page
• Assemble the manufacturer of the drums, cymbals, strings, guitars, basses, and keyboards played on the release
• Create a list of all your CDs that feature Paiste cymbals and cross-reference it with CDs that used Ludwig drums. Or Ibanez guitars and Marshall amps
• List the date period when the CD was recorded and what else was recorded at the same time.
• Who was sharing the studio at the same time. Side note: I heard on the radio that Ozzy Osbourne and Paul McCartney were sharing a studio and Ozzy asked McCartney to play bass on a track of his. McCartney declined. So this database would assemble all of this information and present it to you.
I just envision this vaporware as an outstanding tool for assembling information about music and the people that create it.
6. Music publicist information writer. I have often thought that sending out CDs to reviewers is only 1/2 of the job. The other part of the job is to make sure the CDs that are sent out are reviewed in a timely fashion. That would mean following up with slackers who are only using CD reviewing as a means to bump up their CD collection. I would like the job of writing compelling copy in the marketing sheets that are sent out. Writing the press kit for bands that have achieved every thing imaginable.
7. Music screener or music producer or studio engineer. This would delve into the creative process of writing songs and recording them. I would like to be someone that listens to rough demos of a band and makes suggestions to the band to make their music better. I would even like sitting through the recording process and helping bands achieve a better sound than what they started out with. Of course "better" is a highly subjective term. I think I would have done Theory of Tides some good. I would have told them to change up the background and to not sing phrases that go together 'untogether' and things like that. I have heard a lot of good and a lot of bad bands. I know what I like and I know what should be changed. I'd like the opportunity to do that prior to millions of people hearing the result. This could involve the actual recording process of making a CD.
8. DVD authoring or testing of movies. Someone has to sit down and create the interactive menus for a movie's DVD release prior to it being sent to a manufacturer to reproduce the 'master' DVD. But even before it is sent to shipping, someone has to sit down at a computer and test the DVD and make sure that there is nothing the consumer will not like. I'd like that job.
9. Tour manager and/or drum roadie for a drumming hero. The tour manager idea would be that you could go around the world and, every night, meet music critics and reviewers and assemble a large network of people. Your job would be to make people happy and do whatever it takes. I know both of these jobs would make me into a road warrior. I would constantly be in a new bed, eating new food, and be in a bus or on a plane. But think about this. There would be hours spent setting up drums for one of my drumming heros:
   Neil Peart
   Lars Ulrich
   Alex Van Halen.
   Physically setting up the drums, physically tuning them and, immediately prior to the show, doing the sound check and hitting each drum and cymbal to make sure the show is going to be awesome. For just for a few moments each night, I would be on stage in front of thousands of people. How freaking awesome would that be?!? I don't know if I could handle being on the road for multiple tours but for at least one, it would be an eye-opening experience. And then the night would come when one of them couldn't play and they asked me to step in.
10. Local delivery person - not pizza but maybe medical supplies - or laborer in a warehouse. These seem like strange ones that do not go together. However, the common link is that they are both "not sitting at a desk" which is what I do during the majority of my time at work. Sometimes, I'd like to be outside (delivery) or at least walking around (warehouse). I'd like the repetition of lifting non-light things and building up my biceps. To this day, I cannot do a pull-up. I don't have enough strength in my arms to do so. I often joke that if I was hanging over a cliff by one hand, I would instantly drop and perish. I don't have the strength.
11. Honorable Mentionables include Playboy photographer, Iowa Hawkeye sports publicity, and http://www.corridorcareers.com webmaster.