With Men

I went to Matthew's bachelor party last night. It was one of a rare number of bachelor parties I've attended with no strippers and not a lot of craziness. It was a more sophisticated evening. While I consumed my Mountain Dew Code Red (MDCR), others opened bottles of Scotch and exotic beer. Matthew had bought the MDCR for me and later insisted that I take it with me as I was getting ready to go home. I am drinking one now as I write this. While I was looking forward to being a witness to the next chapter of Matthew and Sandra's life together beginning, I admit I was somewhat apprehensive about whether I would know anyone at the wedding on Saturday.

I left Matthew's apartment with that apprehensive feeling absolved of my consciousness. I was mesmerized by the conversation. As each man spoke and told the tale of their life, I really wanted to not feel like dog shit. Topics such as those that were discussed rarely come up at home - I certainly wanted to stay longer than I did. 

I do want to capture a revelation, if you will. When the subject of Matthew's journey from married man to divorced man to being married on Saturday was brought up, I contributed the following perspective. Because I saw the daily pain Matthew felt as he went through his journey in 2014, I recommitted to my marriage. It was a call to arms that I needed to be a better husband and a better father and, yes, a better son. I have never kept a tally of all the divorced couples I know and this part of my post is about them, in general, excluding Matthew's situation. From the long conversations I've had with my friends and family that are navigating through a divorce, there seems to be a common thread. The routine becomes unbearable and that unbearable feeling becomes an agent of change. Without naming names, I've known couples that decide to have sex in order to gauge their commitment to each other and when the sex was bad, it's added as a tally mark on the sheet that documents why they are getting divorced. Another couple tried counseling in an effort to rekindle or rediscover the joy that they each felt on their wedding day. It didn't work. Another couple I know decided to separate and take time to themselves. That couple hasn't pulled the trigger, if you will, and may still have a chance. I pray for them and their marriage. I pray that sorting out their feelings for each other in solitude will flip on a light bulb that leads to a reconciliation.

Matthew and Sandra's wedding on Saturday will be the beginning of a chapter filled with the full spectrum of emotions. I am honored to be attending.